What is Happiness?

Things in life just never get better as time goes on. Where is my miracle in life to have happiness in life? I see others getting the basic life I need and crave in life. I deserve to have that safety and security just like people in jail have. The system is so unfair to the disabled population in USA as there is not sufficient help to allow me to live independently. Inmates get everything handed to them because they commit crimes and have luxuries unlike me. They get true freedom from everyday responsibilities and get free food, shelter, medical, activities, and clothing. I wish I could trade places with anyone of them inmates. I wish I was locked up and able to know what is happiness in life. I would love to be confined and have the bondage they get daily and the structured lifestyle. I can not even get any person to lock me up in bondage which is calming to me. People constantly judge me for being poor, disabled, and being HIV+. This is not fair to me whatsoever to be treated like I am absolutely fucking useless in life. I did not choose to be born on this planet. I also did not choose to be born in the country with the most selfish, greedy assholes that I have ever met. Seems like people want to always one up and make fun of the people who are not so fortunate and blessed in life.

Freedom is ultimately found within the walls of a jail cell and sadly are given to the elite of society.  Why is it that I should have to commit crimes to have the answer to what is happiness? Society does not want me happy in life and it sucks so much. I hate being disabled and living on poverty wages and not being able to have a good paying job. I want to be in chains right now and to have happiness back and have the structure that I need. I wish I did not have to be rejected by others and told how fucking useless that I am. Words can hurt people more than you think and are you really that much better than the person your saying such vile comments to. I need confinement as it helps reduce the anxiety and helps me feel safety and security. I love being locked down and I honestly do not get enough of it. The feeling of being locked up in a jail cell would ease the pain and create so much happiness in my life. If someone would even lock me in a heavy steel cage and keep me restrained in bondage it could help. I would be so happy to be taken into custody and given the jail cell. To have the comfortable clothes and be able to wear them all the time would be amazing. Since one can not wear them in public it sucks so much without getting into more issues.

I wish someone would come take me away and lock me up for the rest of my useless life. To be able to be restrained and controlled is the solution in life but no one will make this a reality. I wish I was that lucky slave who right now is being a gimp hooded and restrained for my life. To be able to become what I was meant for life and to remain gagged and restrained. I would love to be in a cage in heavy irons and just be able to focus on what makes me happy and have a purpose. I want to be able to not have to worry about this cruel world. I wish that I was never born in America cause no one here in this country needs me at all. I hope that when I go to Finland that I will never have to come back here because its hell on Earth in America. Having hardly anyone that cares how I feel here and being alone sucks. 

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