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Work was so exhausting and I haven’t felt this burnt out for a long time. Usually I can handle these security shifts. This song is on mind Second Chance by 38 Special. Why can’t I forget about the hurt the pain the suffering of rape the suffering of my childhood and having to cope with the PTSD. I can’t even get the proper medical care. I feel so useless I suffer through extreme pain. The day at work was one of my most embarrassing shifts things i could do fine turned to disaster i was not prepared at all i literally spaced out on timing to take breaks for others. People took advantage of me during the shift. I worried that things are falling apart with getting help i  need. I might have a job when i get back frin Germany. I can hope I’ll be broke barely living no one donates to my fund accept one person who has helped as much As he can.

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