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A trip to Germany should have been an enjoyable affair and all I can think about is how fast I want to be right home in my bed in the next several hours. To live with this sickness and to coexist with my HIV I wouldn’t wish these pills on my enemies. A whole trip ruined by I have a feeling used to be my ex drug addict roommate. I never could have came across this nightmare TB infection. Though at moment its in latent stage all I want to do is throw up sleep and sleep again. Lost nearly all my appetite for several days I finally managed to eat on board my layover flight to Calgary. I can’t wait to get back to Seattle and see my little feathery pipsqueaks as they offer there unconditional love no matter what pain I go through. I have lost money to travel to Chicago but oh well I suppose it’s better to rest and try to heal from this terrible poison I have taken. I fear the worst everyday I try to cope through life and this has really put a damper into my mental,physical, and financial state of mind. To think the other day I wanted nothing more then to just end my life throughout my dreams and trying to cope from the stress. Living my life has caused so many struggles and does life ever really get better. I begin to wonder what it’s like to have happiness this trip was supposed to calm me but the only thing I could think about is that arrogant asshole who didn’t take care of there health and left me even more crippled. Then there is the doctor who couldn’t have told me weeks ago when they knew I had it. All for a few insurance dollars it begins to make me wonder if really the fucking United States even cares about my well being. You can force someone to get treatment but you can’t provide them the medical care they need how ironic. Fuck you state of Washington also for playing these games with my medicare. I’m not made of money and I’m going to loose even more. I want my prison cell back I want the calm serenity of security it offers me and just to sleep like I did abroad in Germany.

All I want to feel is the return to innocence a life of happiness a life filled with tranquility and decent health. Shouldn’t have to come at a cost of my health and safety in life for the happiness. It’s to expensive to get what I need and it hurts me everyday I have be surviving this pain. There so many songs I keep hearing through my head and impact my emotional state of mind. I feel like I just want to pass out and the nauseous feeling needs to go away.

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