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I am not excited to leave at all this morning. I feel so depressed and worried about if I will ever find a safe home to live in. I feel hurt because I can’t accomplish any goals in my life and I must be a failure. Nothing to me is more important then moving away from the United States. I want to stay in a safe secure environment. Or at least one of structure, safety, and security. When I go back to the United States, I will feel that there is no more meaning to my life. I will give up medical treatment soon so as not to endure any much more mental stress than necessary unless I have the chance to relocate. I feel more at home in Europe than I will ever feel in the United States.

Having since awoken and taken a shower and out of the restraints I was in overnight I feel so incomplete. Its only going to be harder on me leaving the prison onto the train from Dresden, Germany. I am certainly not looking forward flying back to Seattle either as will be thinking about the time here missing the people I care about in Europe. I have given so much to others and have tried so much to prove myself. I wonder if truly someone will finally take me. I also have seem to lost my appetite this morning to. I felt like I just couldn’t eat cause I was so nervous. I finally feel a lot better now reflecting upon my time as I am nearing Switzerland once again. Finally had a decent lunch as well and looking forward to being back into Fribourg, Switzerland.

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