I wish I was worthy to be loved and to be wanted. I wish that I could have my happiness back but what good ever comes to those who do good for others? I have gone out of my way so many times to help people and when I need it I can not find it. I am all alone in this world and am tired of fighting for a life where I have to be all alone. I don’t have anything left to keep going for as I can not get to live in Europe. People would rather make sure I am made fun of daily in America. I get so fed up with people playing there games and I am going to fly away from here as soon as I get another 4,000 bucks to spend a couple of months abroad. I don’t want to die all alone anymore and I regret that I even came back cause now I’m dying in pain. I have no fucking friends in this country. I have nothing left when I finally die and that will make the best happiness anyone could ever want. I do not need any more pain in my life and don’t deserve to be left like this. Fucking sick of others playing there games and not letting me have my happiness. I wish I had jumped on the metro rail in Helsinki, Finland as I would have left this world happy and with people around me instead I come back to America where no one cares about me and I am crying myself to sleep every night. I wish I was not led on by losers who really do not help or care to be real. I want to be locked up in restraints and locked in a jail cell. I want to feel safe and secure and have my happiness as well. I wish I was worthy of something and not such a failure in life.