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I am so sick of the holidays. All I want is to be locked up in a jail cell warm and safe. To be picked up by an officer stripped naked and given my prison uniform. To feel those restraints thst are locked upon my ankles and wrists to feel the happiness as I’m led to my new cell. The freedom there is provided from the free food shelter and clothing. To have a small secured place that I’m locked into and to fee like property in which I need to be.to be given the number which would be my new identity. I would be running into my cell and thanking the guard so much for his assistance to my cell. I would enjoy hearing the door slam shit and knowing I’m not going anywhere anymore. To get away from all the vile nasty people in the free world would be a blessing. I am told that I have no worth in this world and that I would be better off dead. Well thanks people for saying that to me. The people in jail are likely much better then those on the outside. I want to leave this fucking country and get away

[wpedon id=”469″ align=”center”]

I have no one that seems to care about me anymore and am stuck trying to fight this pain all alone. I have lost a huge part of my life that was taken by the person who sexually assaulted me. I have suffered this two weeks before my 28th birthday and haven’t had the proper therapy I have needed for weeks. I have been labeled by society as someone who does not deserve happiness from the bondage community. I have been told to go and kill myself and that I don’t deserve to feel safe and secure. I had a person who betrayed me and had me sent to the psych ward instead of offering me security while I been coping with the assault and saying I was suicidal when in reality I wasn’t. I been told by so many people online that they had a jail cell to put me in and that they would come get me and lock me up and they didn’t do it. I was told that my problems are nothing in comparison to someone else. I was told that emotional needs aren’t important and that feeling safe and secure is not worth it. I was lied by the police department that they would lock me in a jail cell for a couple days to help me feel secure. I have no one left to help me and I am so sick of my failures being used against me. I asked for support and I found out that I don’t have any friends left to support me anymore. I cant have the security of being hooded in mitts locked in a cage because I am to much of a freak to society. I am thrown out for being mentally fucked up and told that I should take pills but the therapy I need isnt here.